How To Smile After Being Dumped

I'm sitting at my kitchen counter.

My toes are wrapped around either side of the barstool, and my posture has never been better. My spine is straight, shoulders are back, and my smile is very apparent.

I'm wearing a flowy green top, with the tightest pair of jeans I own.

"And I feel good." She says with aim. "A little sweaty, but good."

I just got done dancing to Lizzo's Truth Hurts. I've actually only listened to this song one other time. I know, I know, I'm not up-to-date with the hot new trends. I don't really know what the kids are listening to these days, but I'd say Lizzo can hold a pretty sick beat.

Now let's get to it.

(Pours wine in glass)

Google defines dumped as: to deposit or dispose of (garbage, waste, or unwanted material), typically in a careless or hurried way. Synonyms: throw out, discard, scrap, cast aside, ditch.

I'm laughing out loud at the accuracy of this definition. But 5 days ago the mood was anything but funny.

I'd like to walk you through a short story and give you 5 steps on how to navigate through being disposed of. I give you - The Bubble Wrap Break-up.

Please note this is not his real name.

(Takes deep breath in)

Larry was everything I was looking for in a man. Larry was a believer; he was smart, successful, and so go-with-the-flow. He had gone through a divorce similar to my own, and I believe we shared the same understanding of life. He also had a son close to my daughter's age, and the list goes on.

I liked Larry, very much.

(Slowly sips her wine)

It's funny how when you talk about a future with someone, when you talk about marriage, possibly having kids of our own, and melting families together, your heart really adheres to those words. Your mind slowly begins to paint a picture in front of you with that other person, and you realize it's the most beautiful picture you've seen in a really long time.

But 5 days ago, I woke up to an e-mail from Larry saying he was letting me go.

Of course he was kind and respectful, but I had no idea it was coming.

After reading through the first few sentences for the third time, my body sort of shut down. I was thankfully still laying in bed, but I could not move. I-could-not-move. You know when people say it feels like they got the life sucked out of them? That's exactly how I felt. It felt like a massive giant was stepping on my chest, dispersing every ounce of life I had.

It would have been so nice to see this coming.

I can laugh at this now, but getting Sophia to preschool that morning was anything but pleasant. Walking down the hallway her speech teacher says, "Hi Samantha, how are you?" What am I supposed to say back? I feel like I'm going to vomit after every breath I take, and I no longer have a future with someone I really cared about?

"I'm doing good, thanks. How are you?" I fake with a smile.

Getting to Pilates was even worse. I wanted to cancel, but everyone knows the positive effects of exercise. Endorphins are released throughout the body, and they say it triggers a positive feeling similar to morphine. Well, I needed allllll the morphine I could get that morning.

I mean, I thought it was a little more productive than crying in bed for 55 minutes. But the last thing I wanted to do was walk in and have someone ask me how 'my guy' was doing. So as I sat in the parking lot and cried, I prayed no one would ask - and nobody did.

Don't you find it interesting that some people could be going through something so challenging, and you have no clue? You have absolutely no idea what internal battles that person may be fighting. No one in class knew Sam had just gotten dumped. No one knew I could barely breathe.

We ended up talking on the phone 2 days later. For 16 minutes. The following day, I received a small package on my front step. It was all of my things I had left at his place. Everything was taped and wrapped up neatly in bubble wrap.

"If that's not the best feeling in the world, I don't know what is." She screamed with sarcasm.

What was ironic about the bubble wrap, was I also bubble wrapped a package for him that day too. But it was a book I wanted to give his son, from Sophia.

So where do we go from here?

HERE'S WHAT I DID, AND HERE'S WHAT YOU DO:

STEP 1: Talk to someone.

I get it. Your feelings are all over the place. You're confused, you're pissed, and you're sad. You need to talk it out! Don't get caught in your head. Why do you think I'm blogging about this right now? (She whispers) To stop myself from sitting on the couch all day wondering what I did wrong.

STEP 2: Douse yourself in oils.

I don't care if you think they're witch potions or voodoo. These little bottles of magic gave me the energy to keep moving. Energy to shower, and energy to stay focused. Valor, Frankincense, Lavender, Stress Away, Grapefruit, Geranium, Orange - all of these are mood-altering; and when you close your eyes they will make you smile. Valor is my favorite. Just take the clear top off and dump that shit everywhere.

STEP 3: Delete, Delete, Delete.

All those photos you had together? Texts, screenshots, funny videos - delete them all. Right now. There is no use in swiping through the past. My goodness, don't sit and dwell. I had to squint through my photos as I deleted them, as I was scared to remember the good times.

STEP 4: Music.

At first, you won't be able to listen to anything. It's okay. This is when I listened to 'Your Own Healing' by Louise Hay. I fell asleep listening to her voice. Then I found comfort in calm music. A sound that was peaceful, and allowed me to take slow deep breaths. After day 4, I picked it up a bit. And at day 5, I let out my inner Ozzy.

Jesus was resurrected in 3 days. Sam was resurrected in 5.

STEP 5: Pray.

I find it's pivotal to believe there's something out there looking out for me. Instead of questioning everything internally, I voice my concerns out loud.

Sam at day 4: "Hey God, that really wasn't cool. Not gonna lie, but that sucked major A. I'm not sure why you did that. Building character? I thought I had enough. But You know more than I do, and Your word says you love me more than I can fathom. So I will keep moving. Keep on keepin' on as they say. And I will still be wildly optimistic about the next guy too. I know in my heart (long pause) I know deep down in my heart and my soul You have someone out there for me. I truly believe that. Thank you for everything you've given me during this time. I am incredibly grateful."

How bad do you want peace?

How bad do you want to smile after being cast aside?

They say beauty is power, and a smile is its sword.