Mindset & Divorce

I’m propped up in bed. 

My new lamps are glowing to my left and my right, and I'm in love with their warmth. 

I'm wearing an old PJ top and my legs are buried beneath 3 blankets. I also have a dear friend with me; her name is Cabernet. 

Wine usually isn't allowed in my bedroom. I have white sheets and the thought of a spill is giving me an aneurysm. But the cab is quite comforting this evening.

I'm going to be honest with you. Below this sentence used to be six hundred and thirty-eight words describing my divorce, and my thoughts that went with it. 

I was ashamed.

But I don't like to live in the past.

So let's keep moving forward.

One of my favorite quotes from Wayne Dyer is, "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." 

I'm smiling - because I wholeheartedly agree. 

How many of you repeatedly think or dwell in negative thoughts? 

If you mentally raised your hand, imagine me reaching through the screen and giving you the biggest hug. Think of me kindly bringing my hands to your cheeks, and smiling while I tell you, "You need to stop, right now. You are poisoning your mind, and it's significantly damaging your soul."

(Takes sip of wine)

What would happen if you slowly dripped bleach onto a beautiful green plant? 

The plant would eventually die.

Let's work on getting our thoughts back to H2O, shall we?

I don't know about you, but sometimes I have to work really hard to live beyond my feelings. If I'm feeling down, I have to actively try to overcome the weight of being sad. Don't get me wrong, it's okay to have off days. But if the majority of them are marinated in gloom, anxiety, or regret  - know you have more control than you think.

Google defines mindset as: the established set of attitudes held by someone.

Attitudes. I love me some good attitudes. 

Everyone knows the only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude. Do you know how many times I've heard people say, "You're always so positive." "Are you always this optimistic?" Most of the time, I am looking on the bright side and mentally skipping through a patch of marigolds. If you think you could never be like this, or if the thought of cupcakes and rainbows makes you want to vomit - then you're probably a man, or you probably have a fixed mindset. 

If you have a fixed mindset, you might spend your time documenting your thoughts instead of developing them. You could also believe that talent alone creates success, in anything you do, without effort. Which is bologna. I didn't lose 50 pounds because I was naturally good at losing weight. That took 2 years of effort. Rabbit trail - back to my point.

Fixed mindset attitudes:

"I'm either good at it or I'm not." "When I fail, I'm no good." "If you succeed, I feel threatened." "My abilities determine everything."

Growth mindset attitudes:

"I can learn anything I want to." "When I fail, I learn." "If you succeed, I'm inspired." "My effort and attitude determine everything."

Don't you feel the difference? Train your mind to see growth. Google 'affirmations' and listen to them daily. Write them on post-it notes, stick them all over your bathroom mirror, say them out loud whenever you get stuck in your head - be a freak about it.

Peter Pan didn't fly by thinking, "Oh I'm so miserable. I look hideous in these tights."

The happiness of your life, and your ability to fly, depends on the quality of your thoughts.

Since my divorce, I have greatly changed the way I look at myself. I am responsible for who I am. When I fail, I learn - and I choose to be optimistic.

I also have changed the way I look at my ex-husband. Instead of thinking about everything that isn't, I choose to think about everything that is; and he is an amazing father to our daughter. From that soil, only good can grow.

And that my friends, is where you find peace. So grab a cozy blanket, kick your feet up, and rest - in that place. 

Your thoughts are powerful. 

And so are you.

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