Dwelling & Mistakes

I'm sitting at my kitchen table; watching the steam slowly dance out of my teacup. 

I'm wearing a thin gray robe, and my hair is still wet from the shower. 

It's been unbearably cold the past couple of weeks, but today feels warm.

It might be the 3 blankets, thick fuzzy socks, and the heating pad I'm sitting on - but it's warm. And I love warm.

(Takes sip of tea)

Last night, I made the mistake of falling asleep with my heating pad on over my chest - on HIGH. Oh, there is nothing better than waking up to stretch-mark-like burns on your boobs. 

(Looks down/smells Lavender)

Let's just jump right to it.

How many of you make mistakes? 

Yes. Good. All of you.

And how many of you choose to dwell in them?

Google defines dwell as: live in or at a specified place. Synonyms: reside, live, be settled, lodge, hang out, stay. I don't know about you, but dwelling in the mistakes I've made sure is not a pleasant place to live in or stay.

It reminds me of when I stayed at the Super 8 and super dirty motel in Aberdeen, South Dakota. Dark green carpets, brass light fixtures, a greasy film covering the entire room; and a heavy, musty smell you can't escape. 

(Throws up a little in mouth)

When you dwell over a mistake, it's kind of like being stuck in a really shitty motel room. Nothing good can come from it, and the more you think about it the more you're extending your stay. But choosing to focus on what you've learned, now that will help get you checked-out and begin your move forward.

I am going to share with you 3 quick stories of mistakes I used to dwell in and leave you with simple tips on how to let it all go.

Mistake #1:

Something that used to give me anxiety was thinking about all of the stupid things I've said on dates.

How many of you know what I'm talking about? After the date is over, you finally get back to your car, and you purposely hit your head on the steering wheel a bunch of times? Yeah. Been there.

This was a while ago, but why would I tell the guy I had Trench Mouth, lost 11 pounds from not eating (because of the open lesions, bleeding gums, and canker sores that filled my tongue); and that I had to get 10 shots of Novocain for the dentist to be able to clean and sterilize my teeth? 

Beats me. 

All I could think about afterwards was, "Why would I tell him that over dinner? Gross."

I did not get a kiss that night, or an invite to date number 2.

Mistake: Sharing Trench Mouth story too soon. 

Why I did it: I was nervous. He was cute. 

What I learned: Never forget your Valor. And maybe have one less glass of wine.

Mistake #2:

This one happened in my early 20's. Back then, I weighed a bit more and struggled with low self-esteem. Painting the picture, I was sitting in my chair and had just finished dinner: chicken nuggets, Velveeta Mac & Cheese, and Stove Top stuffing. 

Mistake: I sent a really nasty e-mail to one of my closest girlfriends. It was 7 pages long. She had sent me one prior, which caused me to explode. How many of you have been so angry, you type out an e-mail with every thought and swear word possible - but then you delete it, because it would be terrible if they read what you wrote? Well, I hit send anyway.

Why I did it: I was angry. Digging deeper, I wrote it because I was insecure. Digging even deeper, I wrote it because I wasn't happy with who I was. She was beautiful, fun, and incredibly energetic; and at the time, everything about her made me jealous. I took an extra dose of my antidepressant after writing that e-mail, and I lost her as a friend because of it.

What I learned: Anger can feel good in the moment, but it's not worth it in the long run. Maybe we would still be friends if I had chosen to humble myself or chose kinder words.

Mistake #3:

When I was married, we had a Kirby salesman come to our home. Our friends put us on "the list" and the deal was, you get an entire room vacuumed and shampooed for free. We had 2 cats, a dog, and a baby on the way. And I was nesting - hardcore. 

After physically seeing how much cleaner the carpet was, I said, "We're getting it." I mean, the suction on that thing was incredible. "And how neat that it shampoos too." Says the Type A pregnant lady.

With the exchange of our other vacuum, phone numbers of 20 friends and family members, and a military discount, we were looking at $1,200. And my husband at the time, said, "No." 

I really didn't like that word back then.

After crying and heavily stressing that I didn't want my baby girl learning to crawl through the unseen kitty litter and dog hair, he finally said, "Okay." 

I never thought of myself as a sailor, but after 3 or 4 times using the vacuum by myself, I sure cursed like one. Every time I would carry that thing up and down the stairs, it looked like my legs were beaten and battered by a rabid dog. It weighed like 97 pounds. So unless you have the upper body strength of Lou Ferrigno - it will ruin you, and your pride. 

I felt guilty for weeks, and I lost sleep over it. Lost sleep over a Kirby - who knew.

Mistake: Acting like a child to get my way. Not taking time to think things through.

Why I did it: I wanted the best-of-the-best and I thought things could make me happy.

What I learned: Take a longer pause, and look past the 'want'. Be grateful for your other vacuum that worked just fine.

Ryan, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry I insisted on buying such a ridiculous piece of machinery. You were right.

(Sips tea and swallows pride)

I'd like you to grab a piece of paper and write down a mistake that you can't let go of. 

Write down your constant thoughts that are wrapping you with anxiety. 

Ask yourself, "Is it worth my time and energy to keep dwelling in this?" "Will being anxious about it do anything to help move me forward?" No. So what do you need to do?

-You need to own it. Dig your heels in the ground, and take full responsibility. 

-Apologize. If you need to apologize to someone - do it. 

-Ask for forgiveness. If you need to ask a friend, spouse, or family member to forgive you - do it. 

-Give yourself grace. My gosh, sometimes I think we are way too hard on ourselves.

-Turn it around. Turn your mistake into a dancing lesson with God. Find the good, and focus on what He is wanting you to learn.

-Smother your chest in oils. Try Forgiveness, Humility, Lavender, Bergamot, Frankincense, or Valor, and breathe.

-Pray. 

(Takes calm breath in)

If none of this is for you, and you enjoy dwelling in the grimy Super 8 motel room, that's fine. Choose to stay there, and make love to your anxiousness. 

Or, if you want to breathe easy and relax comfortably in a room with crispy white linens, Venetian bronze light fixtures, and a beautiful view of the city - there's a Marriott right down the street.

You have the power to choose what you dwell in.

My question for you today is: What are some things you have learned from your mistakes?

Dwell in what you've learned. 

And your mistakes will have a whole new meaning. 

As always, if you found value in this blog, please drop a comment, or share it with someone you love. I'm Living Simply Sam. Living simple is what I do.

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