Creating Contentment

I’m sitting on my couch, in leggings and a cozy sweater. The leaves outside my window are a warm yellow, and the wine I’m drinking is a deep red. I mean, real deep.

Do you ever find yourself thinking, "I'll be happier when _________ ?" I'll be happier when I make more money. I'll be happy when I lose 10 pounds. I'll be happier when we get through the wedding. I'll be happy when I get through this divorce.

Let me paint a picture for you.

I pick up my daughter from daycare after a busy day with work. Pulling back into the driveway she says, “Mommy home.” And I smile.

The garage is spotless. My shoes are lined up according to season, and everything has its place. 

Walking inside, the only shoes on the rug will be the ones I’m wearing, and Sophia’s little bunny boots. We will hang up our coats, turn on the lights, and begin to settle in.  

Everything is how I left it. Everything I move and touch before I leave is in the exact same place. There are no surprises - anywhere. My coffee cup is still sitting quietly in the sink, and I’m standing there thinking of what to make for dinner.

How many of you cook and clean at the same time? I know when my mother cooks, it looks like a bomb went off around the stove.  My dad is the one I take after when it comes to tidiness. When stirring spaghetti sauce, “You always put a paper towel under the spoon.” Dad says. “Keeps the counter clean and less of a mess to pickup afterwards.” 

He’s so smart.

As Sophia and I eat our dinner, I ask how her day went. She looks at me, and says, “Yeah!” And continues to eat her noddles. I talk to her for a while and then she tells me, “All done.” Ten minutes later, the kitchen is clean and it looks as if no meal was made. Don't get me wrong - not every day is like this, but a lot of them are. I’m not always a Type A neat freak, and Soph is terrible sometimes. I mean, she’s 2. (Takes sip of wine).

After she’s asleep, it’s quiet. 

It's too quiet. 

The laughter from the studio audience of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. is trying to fill the silence. And at the same time, my mind is slowly seducing the thought of, "I'll be happier when."

All of my dear friends are married with growing families. I am so blessed to be surrounded by such love and stability. But as my heart unzips itself, sometimes when we're together I feel behind. Not behind in experience; behind in the subtle fact that I'm 29 years old, and my only roommate is still in diapers. Some nights, the quiet drives me crazy. Some days, I've cleaned so much I crave for someone to come over and make it dirty. Yes, everything is orderly. But sometimes there's no -life- in orderly. I guess at this stage of the game, I never thought I'd be one of Beyonce's Single Ladies. 

I got gloss on my lips - lips, and a toddler on my hips - hips.
A girlfriend and I were talking recently. After she told me she wanted to run her husband over with her car, she said she would give her left boob to be single again.

"You have quality alone time. Your house is so peaceful. And you get the entire bed to yourself." (I'm rolling my eyes). I countered with, "You have intimate conversations. Your house is filled with energy. And you have someone to keep you warm."

We could do this all day.

Google defines contentment as: a state of happiness and satisfaction. 

You can choose to be happy in any phase of your life. Did you know that? Happiness is a choice. It's not some magical thing that you only feel when you get your way. 

To be content, we need to be grateful. That's it. That's the answer to all of our problems. We need to stop focusing on what we don’t have, and focus on what we do. That’s not to say you can’t ever want or wish for things. Just stop lusting after them. Stop giving things that you don’t have, power over you. 

I don't have a man's shoes resting in my entryway, but I do have a pretty cute pair of bunny boots, and a great pair of Birkenstocks that I'm absolutely in love with.

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